Friday, January 20, 2012

Keep Your Audience's Attention on Your Message (Vs Their Lunch)

So many examples surround us all the time of people/organizations trying to sound clever or more "corporate" by using words all the time like "strategy" when they mean "plan", or "optimisation" when they mean "making the best of". It's such clunky, unnatural language and the potential to confuse, irritate and bore the audience (written/verbal = the same) is HUGE.

Here is a word-for-word live example noted down by one of my clients who attended a presentation on a new system for his industry. Interestingly, my client often presents his company's plans (strategies!) to large groups and we've worked together on his own language when he's speaking at the front. His ear is now finely tuned to pick this sort of stuff up and translate it into simple, clear information.

During most of the presentation he said he "tuned out" as it was so dull. He then decided to write some of the examples down because he said he'd never be able to remember them to tell me later!

To make the point, he's translated for us what he understood the chap was trying to say:

"May cause you to erroneously populate mandatory customer-authorised validation fields"

You might put the information in wrong.

"If eligible we can validate the populated information to enable an accurate mandatory report to be submitted"

We can make sure it's right.

"Automatic validation will provide you information on the validation and advise you of deficiencies if they exist on your mandatory reporting, this prevents ineligible reporting being submitted"

Our system picks up mistakes, so it doesn't go wrong.

"Dedicated customer service representatives are available to communicate and subsequently deliver the solution to the client"

We have people here who can listen and help.

"Present your issues to client liaison development contact, and you will be afforded the opportunity, through a single source to satisfy your issues. We can do this through the most flexible and advanced technology reporting solution in the industry"

1 comment:

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